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Space age photographs of the new Pittsburgh Penguins hockey arena were released today, following the approval of the facility’s plans by the city planning commission. The arena, which is expected to cost $290 million, is largely being financed by blue-haired grandma’s hoping to hit it big on the nickel slots.

The Post-Gazette reported that developers are expected to break ground this summer, and the arena is expected to be completed for the 2010-2011 season. Though preliminary designs did not meet the commission’s standards, the modifications made by achitects at HOK Sport unanimously passed the test.

Prior to the modifications, commissioners compared the designs to “Disneyland” or “Home Depot.” The difference? Nighttime.

The Penguins sought to counter some of the criticism yesterday by unveiling nighttime renderings of the arena that pictured the structure in a more favorable light. One showed the building’s centerpiece — a brightly lit glass atrium running along Washington Place and facing Downtown.

Ah yes, because who looks at buildings during the daytime, anyway? Penguins CEO Ken Sawyer added, “The last time they didn’t see what was shown today, the evening shot, which really tells the story of this design. The atrium in the front allows everyone to see the energy and electricity inside.” Plus it embitters those who don’t have tickets.

Clearly this “dusk drawing” doesn’t do the building justice. Also, I find that it’s slightly “cartoony,” no? I much prefer the space-station-esque, futuristic feel of the picture above. The only thing that’s bothering me is the lack of flying cars and houses shaped like the Space Needle—like on the Jetsons.

All in all, not bad new digs. I don’t think any of us can complain, really. It wasn’t that long ago that the Penguins were in limbo of being shipped off to some horrifying city like Kansas City or worse, Houston. Can you imagine? They’d have to throw dirt on the ice after every game so as to continue the never-ending cycle of rodeos.

At this moment, CNN has declared that Obama has won the North Carolina Primary, and that the Indiana primary is still too close to call (but everyone knows Clinton is going to win). Clinton has 52 percent of the vote to Obama’s 48, and 85 percent of the precincts have already reported their results.

So here we are: Obama won NC. Clinton will win IN. No surprises. What is unclear, however, is what happens next. Many pundits have recently debated this very issue: Obama wins both, it’s over. Clinton wins both, Obama is in serious trouble. But the split—the dreaded split—leads to more uncertainty. Didn’t we just leave this town?

Clinton winning both would have been an incredible jolt for her campaign. With the momentum from wins in Texas, Ohio and Pennsylvania, the wins in NC and IN might have tipped the scales for seating Florida’s delegates, if not Michigan’s. At that point, it’s a much closer race.

But in reality (oh how we’ve missed you!), that’s not what’s happening. I consider myself a political junkie and even I’m getting bored of this stuff. We need some upsets (probably too late—I don’t think a surprise come-from-behind win for Clinton in Guam is going to do much good), some content-driven controversy (i.e. definitively seating or not seating the MI/FL delegates and not flag pins or the maniac Chicago preacher Jeremiah Wright) or a nominee. These are your options, America. Choose wisely.

Speaking of choosing, when do the Republicans get a VP? Seriously, Johnny Mac, let’s get going. Plenty of names have been tossed around for months now. I say it’s about time we got out the ol’ dart board and have at it.

In the upper right quarter, we have the women: Condoleezza Rice and Kay Bailey Hutchison. I have a preference, although I’m legally obligated not to state who or why. Seriously. In the bottom right, you have the governors: Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota, Mark Sanford of South Carolina and Charlie Crist of Florida. All white men, two-thirds of which were born in 1960 (and one in 1956–close enough).

On the left half of the dart board, we have the “oh yeah, I remember that guy” section. Most of these guys you’ve seen recently. As in, the last 4 months. They are: Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney (claim to fame: winning the only state shaped like his first name), Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee and Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giulliani. To be honest, I don’t think any of these guys have a shot. They’re all white men (i.e. the scum of the Earth, in this election) and they all feel like death warmed over.

We have now arrived at the “ridiculous and therefore probable” section of the dartboard. The governor of Louisiana is a 36-year-old Indian-American (no, not the kind that we killed roughly 200 years ago)– Bobby Jindal. He’s about as conservative as you can get, which will help balance the ticket with that “wiley old man” McCain. Colin Powel is another name being tossed around, but this seems really unlikely. He’s probably too much like McCain in his “wiley-ness” and “oldness.” Finally, Ronald Reagan’s exumed corpse is also being seriously considered.

Oh, and Joe Lieberman is the bullseye.

Any “Batman Begins” fans in the house?

On May 2, a new theatrical trailer was released for the new Batman movie, “The Dark Knight.” Click here to watch it.

The movie comes out July 18. I. Am. Excited. (Sorry, it’s finals week. I’m afraid you’ll have to take what you can get.)

Hello my babies. Sit back and relax, as we go on a journey through time… all the way back to Friday.

A few weeks ago (sorry, we have to go even further back to begin this story… just think of it as sometime after the dinosaurs ruled the Earth, but before Hillary mopped the floor with Obama in PA), I got an e-mail from the J-School director here at UT, asking if I would attend the “College of Communication Advisory Council breakfast.” Having no idea what this was, but understanding that free food was involved, I immediately said yes.

I later came to find out that it was a gathering of many influential (note: $$$$) people who have ties, in one way or another, to UT’s College of Communication. It’s a group of businessmen and women from all over the country—click here for a Web site that has the bios of the council members.

One of the men on this list is none other than former-CBS Evening News anchor Dan Rather. Now, Dan never attended UT—he’s a gradute of Sam Houston State University in Huntsville, Texas. But apparently the requirements for being on the council go something like “successful + from ‘The Great State’ = membership.”

So I walked into the Campus Club where they were hosting the breakfast and didn’t recognize a single face—student or supposed “VIP.” Turns out I handed my coat to George H.W. Bush. I’m told this was a faux pas, and that just because he was standing by the cloak room, it does not mean he was working there. Is there a handbook for this kind of thing? How am I supposed to know?

So I headed over to the table where they were serving coffee and asked for a syringe. Again, I got stares. Apparently these upper crust types don’t shoot the caffeinated beverage straight into their veins like the rest of working-class America. So I’m standing there, pouring three-quarters of a carafe of half and half into my cup (I asked the girl next to me to say “when,” since my depth perception is off just after waking up. Guess who thought I was kidding.), and lo-and-behold, who should appear directly to my right but Dan “Kenneth, what is the frequency” Rather.

At this point, I’m terrified. If my central nervous system had been operating that early in the morning, I’m sure I would have had some violent reaction. Instead, I just put my head down and ran to the other side of the room, hoping Tom Brokow wasn’t going to block my exit.

So the rest of the breakfast proceeded mostly without incident. I hob-nobbed and rubbed elbows with “important people.” None of them offered me jobs, so I don’t know how important they actually could be. Anyway, after breakfast there was a pretty decent-sized crowd around Dan-the-Man. So I waited around with a couple friends of mine like a wolf pack waiting to strike. After a couple photos and handshakes, we made our move. He had nowhere to hide.

We shook hands and I said it was a pleasure to meet him, yada yada yada. He was really very nice. We asked him, “What story sticks out as the most memorable for whatever reason?”, to which he responded with the Hurricane Carla story in Galveston in 1961. CBS noticed the young reporter in the eye of the storm—something rarely done in those days—and hired him because of it. The other story or event that stuck out to him was the civil rights coverage of the ’60s, which he said was a set of stories that changed him as a person.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad day. We exchanged addresses and are now pen-pals. He has teddy-bear stationary. I still can’t decide if I should bring up the “60 Minutes II” debacle that dethroned him from the prestigious #3 spot in nightly news. I’ll let you know how that goes when I work up the… courage.

I’m not so sure about this.

According to this story, former-SNL star Jimmy Fallon has already signed with NBC to replace Conan O’Brien on “Late Night,” as O’Brien moves up to fill Jay Leno’s shoes on “The Tonight Show.” Everyone involved, however, has remained silent about the deal.

Fallon reported the news for years with the much funnier fellow-anchor and SNL writer, Tina Fey. Since the two have stopped anchoring “Weekend Update” on SNL, Fey has helped write and star at least two major films (”Mean Girls” and “Baby Mama,” in theaters today). She is also the star of the critically acclaimed NBC comedy “30 Rock” (it’s hilarious).

Fallon, on the other hand, has had a couple cameos on SNL and seemingly done nothing with his life.

I don’t know if Fallon’s nervous and often fidgity behavoir at the news desk was an act or not, but it was truly obnoxious. The article I sited above made mention that Carson Daly would certainly not be getting the job, and I have to say I’m not sure that this will be much better. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t know. Playing opposite Craig Ferguson’s “Late Late Show” on CBS, the 12:30 a.m. EST hour might soon have the potential to be the worst hour on television. (Bring back Kilborn!!)

Don’t get me wrong, I thought Fallon was good in sketches and everything. His penchant for laughing in EVERY SINGLE ONE got annoying after a while, but sometimes it was funny. And it’s also important to remember that almost every late night host gets pummeled for about the first year or two (or three or four in the case of Letterman/O’Brien, the latter replacing the former in 1993 after NBC gave the “Tonight Show” to Leno).

I’m glad O’Brien is moving to replace Leno. That little weasel has been brown nosing celebrities long enough. Fact: I have never watched Leno without throwing up a little in my mouth during one of his interviews. (Note: the word “fact” in this case can be used to mean anything, like “lie.”) O’Brien’s move to the 11:30 (EST) slot won’t, of course, change my viewing habits. I don’t watch Letterman as often as I would like, but I’m still a tried and true fan of Dave’s.

And don’t worry, when Letterman retires, there will be days of long sob-posts about not knowing what to do with my life now. So… there’s that to look forward to.

I feel like it’s been a while since we’ve done something weird… No, not ridiculous like American Airlines canceling 1,000 flights, or even a group of psychotics inbreeding in West Texas. I’m talking about SCIENCE weird. And we all know that’s the best kind.

According to this ridiculous story out of Paris (go figure), a mother’s diet can help determine the sex of the baby she’s cookin.

…there is nothing like a hearty breakfast laced with sugar to boost a woman’s chances of conceiving a son, according to a study released Wednesday. Likewise, a low-energy diet that skimps on calories, minerals and nutrients is more likely to yield a female…

Now, here’s my question. If it were all this easy, why haven’t they figured this out in China yet? It seems to be a much bigger deal to them whether they have a boy or spawn of Satan (i.e. girl)–shouldn’t their scientists be working on this crap ’round the clock? This study was conducted by the University of Exeter in Britain… about as far away (on Earth) as you can get from (The People’s Republic of) China.

According to the researchers, there has been a general trend toward having more girls in the past four decades. I blame women’s lib. They blame skimpier diets. At this point, we’re agreeing to disagree.

Researchers are also pointing to evolution as a possible explanation. Men, they argue, are able to produce more children than women because they lack the ability to endure excruciating childbirth. When times are good and food is abundant, it makes more evolutionary sense to have male children. When times are lean and food is scarcer, the safer bet for the continuation of the species is to produce the producers (keep it gay!), i.e. women. (Please take note of how creepy these “children” are. I think it’s time we reconsider how and with what we entertain our children.)

Confused? Me too. But I’m pretty sure the answer lies somewhere within the Salem Witch Trials. Maybe Cotton Mather had it right and women can control everything in the “invisible world” as he called it. If that’s the case, then the gender of their child is no big deal. Ironically, Mather’s mother must have been a witch–who names their son Cotton? Cotton’s paternal grandmother was even worse, however, naming Cotton’s father Increase. As a name. Not a command.

I feel like we’ve gone off on a tangent. The point is: breakfast + lots of sugar = boy; not = girl. You can thank me later for writing the first page of your child’s baby book, mothers-to-be.

I am a terrible blogger! I’ve been filled with blogger’s guilt for the last, I don’t know, ten days or so. I don’t even want to look up the date of my last post. These long patches of no-posts are getting more frequent, and that’s something that’s not likely to stop anytime beteween now and the end of the semester. Sorry.

As a result, let me run you through what’s been happening in my life since the last time we chatted (this can also be used as rationalization for reading this digital rag). I accepted a job this summer to work for Senator Arlen Specter (who has more clout than some sovereign nations, according to this Philadelphia Inquirer editorial) in his Pittsburgh regional office; I was inducted into the KTA National Journalism Honor Society; I was honored at campus honors day (okay, there were thousands); I won the Theodore H. Strauss Civic Internship Award for my work this coming summer; and I’ve been selected to represent the J-School at the College of Communications Advisory Council breakfast, which could include attendees Dan Rather and Walter Cronkite. I’m hoping Rather has seen this Nov. 7 post where I highlight some of his better Rather-isms. (”This situation in Ohio would give an aspirin a headache.”)

In other news, Scott and Jackie came down to visit this last weekend. We had a good time–ate at Trudy’s, The Salt Lick, P. Terry’s and Amy’s Ice Cream. We also went kayaking on Ladybird Lake (Town Lake to the rest of society) and I got to sit in an Apache helicopter when we visited their friend Randy at Fort Hood in Killeen. Sadly, I was not given the opportunity to kill any terrorists. But we did smoke some of them out of their holes, and subsequently, they’re on the run. Thank me for your freedom later. You should check out their Web site soon–I imagine they will probably add some photos from the trip.

On to more pressing matters–tomorrow, April 22, is the Pennsylvania primary! It’s finally here. For my (bitter) Pennsylvania readers, this means a much deserved break from all the political ads that have deluged the airwaves, and for my Texas readers, this means you can go back to thinking you’re the most important state in the union. Congratulations to you both.

(As a sidenote, but still related to the April 22 primary, e-mail me if you want to see an image that Jeety’s Joint Corporate doesn’t want you to see [namely my ballot].)

Speaking of the bitter comments, let’s get into that for a minute. What is Obama doing? He has this thing sewn up, and all he has to do is let Hillary have her day in Pennsylvania and go on to crush her in North Carolina and she’ll concede. The end. But instead, he calls working class people bitter and laments about how they cling to guns and religion.

As I see it, there are two problems with this. First of all, if there’s one thing bitter people hate, it’s being called bitter. That does nothing to solve the problem. Obama clearly knows that the region could benefit from technology-based jobs and “forward-looking” businesses. But that wasn’t the emphasis of his speech to San Francisco democrats. To listen to the comments in their context, click here. The audio isn’t the best, but they supply the written words along with the audio.

The second problem with the comments is largely semantic. The use of the word “cling” was about the poorest choice Obama could have made. While he’s at it, he might as well call everyone brainless, inbred Jesus freaks. The next day he said the words were “ill-chosen” (to say the least), but still defended the remarks.

I said something that everybody knows is true, which is that there are a whole bunch of folks in small towns in Pennsylvania, in towns right here in Indiana, in my hometown in Illinois, who are bitter.

And you could talk about that all day. But what are you doing to get them more/better jobs? Hope and a nickel still gets them a steaming hot cup of jack squat at the grocery store.

American Airlines canceled more than 1,000 flights Wednesday, reflecting a new strategy by the Fort Worth-based company to screw its customers.

The nation’s largest carrier, who for years risked the lives of its customers by flying partly- to horribly-damaged aircrafts and issued the occasional delay or cancelation, switched to a full-blown cancelation system.

“It’s a new model we’re trying,” said Gerard J. Arpey, chairman, president and CEO of American Airlines. “We have another 900 planned for tomorrow.”

The airline’s two major hub cities, Chicago and Dallas/Fort Worth, were hit hardest by the cancelations, according to this real story. Austin, St. Louis and New York’s La Guardia airports were also affected.

Many other airlines are finding new and innovative ways to give the middle finger to their customers, Arpey said. US Airways will begin charging $25 for a second checked bag soon, and United flight attendants have been ordered to stand in the aisle and watch customers drink their entire allotment of Diet Coke.

“People seem to think because they’re paying $500 a ticket that they’re entitled to be treated with basic human dignity,” Glenn F. Tilton, United Airline’s CEO, said. “They couldn’t be more wrong. I’m trying to run a business, and the only way I can do that is to make sure Norma Walker in C16 doesn’t waste any of our Diet Coke.”

Passengers began noticing cutbacks in service years ago. In 1987, American Airlines elminated one olive from in-flight meal salads and saved $40,000. That used to be a fun trivia question for travelers. Since then, they’ve eliminated the salad altogether. Instead, one live chicken is placed somewhere in the cabin, and passengers only have the time period when the captain turns off the seatbelt sign to catch, cook and eat it. Since 9/11, the killing part has grown more gruesome without the use of box cutters.

In November of last year, Delta announced that it was eliminating pillows and food services altogether from its flights (not even a chicken!). The flight attendant button, located overhead, that passengers used to press for service now screams “Make me a sammich!” over the loud speaker.

It’s hard to say what the new direction airlines will go in the future. The cancelation paradigm seems to have shifted the priorities of these companies from “risk our customers lives” to “fix the planes and charge them more.”

Some believe the “quit bothering us” strategy will be next. This invovles crashing thousands of planes, instead of grounding them, in order to deter air traffic. Others believe we’re on the cusp of the “baggage” strategy, whereby passengers must pack themselves into their bags and remain silent on that cross-country flight to Phoenix.

Only time will tell…

After about five months of serious fundraising, I’m thrilled to be able to announce that we have exceeded our goal of $5,000 for the Stephen Witowich Memorial Scholarship fund!

I received an e-mail update today from Mrs. Torrence at the business office of Beaver Area School District. She said that thanks to the generous donations of the Hilton Head H.S. National Honor Society and St. Vladimir Church in Ambridge, we now have $5,205 in the fund, which will grant one BHS senior a scholarship this spring.

On Friday, I talked to Kathy Scharfenberg, NHS sponsor at Hilton Head, who said the group hosted a car wash on March 1 at the local Outback Steakhouse. The restaurant supplied water and hoses for the students, and the weather was ideal, Scharfenberg said. At the end of our phone conversation, she asked me to resend my initial letter informing them of our efforts to procure a memorial scholarship for Wito. The students asked if they could host the car wash annually–an amazing gesture of generosity. The group raised and donated $500.

St. Vladamir Church in Ambridge hosted a bowl-a-thon recently and donated the money raised from that event to the scholarship. Thanks to the generosity of the Ukranian Orthodox church and its event’s participants, we are $750 closer to awarding a scholarship in Wito’s name.

Single donations from former students and parents have been sporadic, but often very charitable. They are much appreciated.

In short, thank you to those who have helped us reach this milestone. We did it.

At this point, it’s unclear what events Beaver H.S. students and teachers will do to raise money for their former teacher and colleague. Several students have worked independently to raise money through t-shirt sales, but the community has thus far seen no action from the school’s student organizations, including NHS—the group for which Wito was a sponsor.

It’s time to get your act together, BHS. Clearly everyone else already has.

We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
The fortune of one that means less for some

It’s been a while since I’ve used this outburst, so here goes: WHAT’S GOING ON!?!?!!

Apparently, there’s an entire VILLAGE of people living in Eldorado, Texas that are arranging marriages of 14- and 15-year-old girls and their 50-something cousins and uncles. This sect, part of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, had its followers completely secluded from society and believing that the apocalypse is near. The more I read the story, the more I was convinced they might be right.

You can read the story here.

Texas officials escorted 401 children and 133 women from the compound in what’s being called the “largest child welfare endevour in Texas history.” People—this state is home to Waco and the Branch Dividians! It’s an incredible claim to be the “biggest” anything in Texas.

The women, in a remarkable case for nature over nurture, wanted to leave the compound once authorities arrived. Knowing nothing of the outside world (and that sometimes being the case for generations of these women), they somehow intuited that there “must be more to life” than tilling small gardens and sewing. The story continues:

Dressed in home-sewn, ankle-length dresses with their hair pinned up in braids, some 133 women left the Yearning for Zion Ranch of their own volition along with the children…. The women were not allowed to wear red — the color [sect leader and now-jailed Warren Jeffs] said belonged to Jesus — and were not allowed to cut their hair. They were also kept isolated from the outside world.

So I feel like I’ve sufficiently established that this group is nothing short of insane. And I don’t mean the kind of insane like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” That is borderline normal behavoir compared to these people. You might think that’s a joke, but think about it. We’re talking about people’s lives here. Not some cabin-fever winter vacation you spend in Colorado.

But the most ridiculous thing about this story is that this place wasn’t busted up years ago. Warren Jeffs (what kind of psychotic last name is that anyway?), this group’s leader and noted polygamist, was convicted of being an accomplice to the marriage of a 14-year-old girl with her cousin in 2001. In November, he was sentenced to two consecutive 5 year to life-terms in jail. He’s also awaiting a trial for two other arranged marriages (and the horrifying events associated therein).

So here’s my question: We’ve known for quite a while that this guy (left) is 100% certifiable and he’s created an entire race of like-minded followers, so why did the authorities wait for yet another 16-year-old girl to call about abuse and forced-marriages before doing anything? Don’t tell me they didn’t know that that kind of stuff was still going on. There are no excuses for some things, and this is one of them.

The Fundamentalist Church broke from the mainline Mormon church when the Mormons decided to stop having multiple wives. That being “the most ridiculous thing” they’ve ever heard in a quote I made up, they set up shop along the Utah-Arizona border. Those states’ officials began smelling “the distinct scent of crazy” wafting from the Fundamentalist’s settlements, at which point Jeffs’ sect moved to Eldorado.

It’s stories like this that make you wish people would be normal criminals like thieves and arsonists.