The Beaver County Times and (my new best friend) Jessica Bruni wrote a story about Wito in Sunday’s paper.

You can read “Beaver Area students honor late teacher with scholarship fund” here.

Although it’s about impossible to put into words quite who Wito was, this story comes about as close as you can get. It not only covers his life, but it also mentions the scholarship we’re trying to set up and how to contribute. It’s a worthwhile read–and on that note, I’d like to retract the ‘Shipist comments made earlier in October and thank her for taking the time to write this story. ;)

On another note, this is probably it for me until after Christmas and maybe the New Year. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year! Take care and be safe. See you in 2008, friends.

In 1992, Bill Clinton won the presidency in large part because he selected Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” as his campaign song [citation needed]. In reality, it was a great selection. Not only is it a great song, but it also encapsulated the message Clinton was trying to get across to voters: “Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow/Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.”

So you’d think his wife would select a song with the same foresight and thoughtfulness as he did. Wrong-o. Hillary set up some bizarre voting system where “fans” could vote what song they wanted her campaign song to be. The winner? “You and I” by Celine Dion. Sorry, make that CANADIAN Celine Dion. Not only that, I don’t know what song that is.

The other songs in the running included KT Tunstall’s “Suddenly I See,” Smashmouth’s “I’m a Believer” and U2’s “Beautiful Day.” However, suggestions from the article cited above: Elton John’s “The Bitch is Back,” Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man,” and The Beatles’ “Fool on the Hill.” All interesting choices.

My suggestion? “Big Girls Don’t Cry (Personal)” by Fergie. First of all, she’s an American. Or at least a Californian, and that’s close enough. Secondly, the words fit perfectly. Just imagine her singing the words to Obama, rejecting his offer to be her running mate. “The path that I’m walking, I must go alone//I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you… And I’m going to miss you like a child misses thier blanket, but I’ve got to get a move on with my life. It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry.” Can you feel the tension? Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to.

So what about everyone else? What campaign songs do I recommend for the other candidate’s campaign songs? Let me tell you.

Barack Obama (D) — “1234″ by Feist. Word has it he can count (ON HIS OWN!) up to four now, so as a celebration of his growing maturity, this song just fits perfectly. And just like the chorus, Barack sometimes messes up the order: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9 and 10, money can’t buy you back the love that you had then.” Adorable.

Mitt Romney (R) – “Friend of the Devil” by Jerry Garcia (and maybe the Dead?). I’m pretty sure this is self-explanatory? “Set out running, but I take my time. A friend of the devil is a friend of mine.”

John Edwards (D) – “You Learn” by Alanis Morissette. Everyone knows the first time you do anything it doesn’t count. So all that John Kerry/Edwards stuff from 2004 was just practice. “You live, you learn, you love, you learn, you cry, you learn, you la-hoooooose, you learn!” He certainly did “la-hooooooose,” but did he learn?

Duncan Hunter (R) — “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child. It’s not really a campaign song… He’s just begging people to say his name because no one knows who he is (nor should they).

Mike Huckabee (R) – “Running on Faith” by Eric Clapton. Again, pretty straightforward. Good luck with that. “Lately I’ve been running on faith, what else can a poor boy do?” Indeed.

Dennis Kucinich (D) — “I Will Remember You” by Sarah McLachlan. It’s always nice when America’s favorite Munchkin runs for president. I’ve missed him since his 2004 run and he’s even better, now that he’s seeing UFOs. “I will remember you, will you remember me?” Until 2012 my friend!

And my choice for John McCain? I’m not sure. But I’m thinking something along the lines of “Remix to Ignition” by R. Kelly.

Sippin on coke and rum
I’m like so what I’m drunk
It’s the freakin weekend baby
I’m about to have me some fun

Sounds like McCain, right?

Well it’s been a while since I’ve updated you, my babies, about what’s going on in the political world. It’s really a public service I provide for you people… You’d think the government would kick a few bucks my way for all my effort, but alas…

Anyway, welcome to endorsement city! Everyone and their brother, taking a page from the Jeety’s Joint book, has begun endorsing candidates. Newspapers, fellow politicians, celebrities and Oprahs of all types have been backing candidates recently. And candidates are happy as Mexican jumping beans about it.

Oprah began her tour for Barack Obama in Iowa where she told millions of her drones to do as she says. Then she killed a guy, and the authorities did nothing about it because she’s Oprah. Watch your back, Hillary.

Hillary picked up the support of… her husband and daughter recently. Of course, at a recent speaking event, Bill mentioned how Obama was getting better press than Hillary… so I’m not sure how much his presence is really helping her. And as for Chelsea, I refer you to the John McCain joke (which he sadly apologized for): “Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.”

Speaking of John McCain, people have started to remember he still exists. A nice change of pace, I guess.

McCain picked up his first endorsement from New Hampshire’s Union Leader on December 2. Here’s an excerpt: “What is most compelling about McCain, however, is that his record, his character, and his courage show him to be the most trustworthy, competent, and conservative of all those seeking the nomination. Simply put, McCain can be trusted to make informed decisions based on the best interests of his country, come hell or high water.” You can read the Union Leader’s endorsement here.

Next, the Des Moines Register in Iowa endoresed McCain on December 15. They write: “But with McCain, Americans would know what they’re getting. He doesn’t parse words. And on tough calls, he usually lands on the side of goodness — of compassion for illegal immigrants, of concern for the environment for future generations. The force of John McCain’s moral authority could go a long way toward restoring Americans’ trust in government and inspiring new generations to believe in the goodness and greatness of America.” Read the Des Moines Register endorsement here.

Think that’s it? Wrong. The Boston Globe also endorsed McCain on December 15. Here’s a portion of their endorsement: “As a lawmaker and as a candidate, he has done more than his share to transcend partisanship and promote an honest discussion of the problems facing the United States. He deserves the opportunity to represent his party in November’s election.” Read the rest of the Boston Globe endorsement here.

McCain also picked up the support of independent Joe Lieberman on Monday.

What’s more, McCain is still winning battles. On December 16, President Bush agreed to accept McCain’s bill barring the torture of suspects in American custody, something the Bush administration had been clinging to for months. From the Globe:

“We’ve sent a message to the world that the United States is not like the terrorists,” McCain said after a meeting with Bush in the Oval Office. ”What we are is a nation that upholds values and standards of behavior and treatment of all people, no matter how evil or bad they are. And I think that this will help us enormously in winning the war for the hearts and minds of people throughout the world in the war on terror.”

You can read the rest of that story here. The proposed bill outlaws cruel, inhuman and degrading torture anywhere in the world by US forces (sorry Guantanamo, no more photo-ops).

So what does all of this mean? It’s hard to say exactly. But for one thing, independent voters, especially in New Hampshire, are starting to take a second look at John McCain. Previously, the majority of indpependents focused on the Democratic race by a ratio of about 2 to 1. It’s now a bit more even, and McCain stands to receive the most positive attention because of it. Obama is the one candidate likely to lose the most support because of this. Looks like his folks will be looking for a new babysitter in the fall if things don’t work out. The Globe, apparently my new favorite newspaper, wrote about this also, so check it out.

So, in short, you’re welcome. And I know the majority of you won’t click on any of those links. But if one of you clicks on one of them, I will have done my job. Happy reading.

In an act of complete stupidity, I deleted my post from yesterday. I had some 10,000 words on the meaning of life. Instead, you get an abbreviated Christmas commercial post. Lucky you.

By the way, you should consider yourselves lucky for another reason. In a Jeety’s Joint first, I’m posting during Christmas break. Feel free to send your fan mail to Jeety’s Joint World Headquarters in Juno, Alaska.

So, let’s chat, friends. What’s your favorite Christmas commercial? Really? Cool. [Optional ending here.]

Well, if you’re Billy from Flashback City, your favorite is that McDonald’s commercial from the 80s (?) and 90s with the little girl who wants to run away from home and Ronald convinces her otherwise. He also likes the Hershey kisses that turn into bells and the Chia Pet commercial. Whether that’s actually a Christmas commercial or not is questionable, I’d say. Show me a Chia Pet with Santa or Jesus growing his beard, then we’ll talk.

By the way, while you’re checking out Flashback City, take a look-see at Billy’s profile. He’s a road’s enthusiast. If he had a choice (and please, please don’t make him choose), then Interstate 40 is his favorite. He’s 18 years old and his favorite decade is the 90s. Interesting choice. I would have guessed he’d be a fan of the Roaring Twenties and flappers. He also runs something like five different blogs including Road City, Lost Retail City and Vintage Computer City (a veritable nation of fascinating topics). I guess I’ve been slacking off with this one.

But these are not the best Christmas commercials. No, no, no. Sadly, most of my Texan counterparts have never seen this gem. Watch and enjoy!

Take a minute to collect your thoughts. Blown away? I thought so. Eat’n'Park, for those of you who don’t know, is an over-priced, terrible, 24-hour restaurant where people go after movies because everywhere else is closed. That’s not quite how they advertise themselves, but… it’s what they are.

Anyway, think I’m wrong? Think there’s a better Christmas commericial? Prove it.

(Take a minute to enjoy that title.)

As my long-time readers will remember, last year I made a compilation cd of Christmas songs for your listening pleasure. You can still find that list here. (And don’t forget kids, you can re-read all your favorite Jeety’s Joint posts by clicking on the archives to your left. It’s Info-tainment!)

Well, I’m not going to do that again, because as I stated in that post, it’s a pretty authoratative list. However, you are in luck. This year, I’ll recommend and briefly review a couple cds for your Christmas-listening pleasure. You were worried I would forget, weren’t you? What kind of monster do you think I am?

A Charlie Brown Christmas: The Original Soundtrack — I bought this little gem over Thanksgiving and haven’t stopped ‘giving thanks’ that I did (Ohhhhhhh snap. Fun with words!) Some of you might be disappointed to find out, however, that Charlie Brown did not actually play any of these songs. A human being did. Little known fact–I’ll let you use it Christmas morning with your family, huddled around the stockings hung with care. Anyway, Vince Guaraldi did. I know nothing about him, other than he’s one jazzy white man. And he looks like cartoonist Jasper Hahn, as portrayed by Horatio Sanz on SNL. Highlights include: “O Tannenbaum,” “Christmas Time is Here,” and the classic “Linus and Lucy.” I was also impressed by the lesser known tracks as well.

Christmas with the Rat Pack — I “borrowed” this one from a friend of mine last year. I didn’t really listen to it until recently though. You get Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr., all drunk as a skunk singin’ like crazy cats do. Of course, as the white man often does, they keep Sammy down. He gets 3 tracks, compared to Dean and Frank’s 8 each, plus two duets which exclude Sammy. So for those of you quick with math, it’s a pretty long cd. But with those guys, they could only feign sobriety for two and a half minutes tops anyway. Highlights include Dean’s “I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm,” Sammy’s “Christmas Time All Over the World” and Frank’s “Mistletoe and Holly” with the classic chorus “Oh by gosh by golly, it’s time for mistletoe and holly.”

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives — And last but not least, everyone’s favorite Christmas communist! (This might be longest running Jeety’s Joint joke/factoid in our history, I’ll need to check the ARCHIVES, brought to you by Tide Laundry Detergent: Tide Knows Fabric Best!) For those of you unfamiliar with Burl, he’s the snowman in the Rudolph claymation TV movie. Highlights include: his most famous track “A Holly Jolly Christmas,” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Weird/potentially commie brain-washing songs include: “Christmas is a Birthday” and “Snow for Johnny.” He also adds some nice “ba-rump-a-pum-pum’s” to “Little Drummer Boy,” in case you were wondering.

Well I hope this list helps get you into the Christmas spirit. Yesterday in Austin it was pretty chilly, so that helped a little bit. But this morning I woke up to find our windows fogged and the outside temperature somewhere north of 70 degrees with SEVERE, soul-crushing humidity. Oh well… Could be worse. I could be from Tampa.

I recommend watching the YouTube video below of Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham responding to fans’ questions while on the road. But be warned, it is startlingly creepy:

Disclaimer: Lindsey Buckingham is the man.

My first comment is… I don’t know if you know the significance of coming to the realization that one of your idols can’t read, but needless to say, this video launched me into a deep depression. I mean, I knew he couldn’t read music, but that sort of added to my appreciation of his talent. I just get the impression that halfway through “reading” this guy’s name, he just changed the question to whatever he wanted and answered that instead.

Also, the introduction? What is this, a hostage video? “I’m on the road. I’m in my hotel room. The doors are barred and there’s no escape. If you ever want to see Stevie Nicks again, I’m going to need a notarized written statement from Warner Bros. stating she is hereby forbidden to ever perform the song ‘Landslide’ ever again. You have one hour.”

I also love how you can sense exactly how much he hates doing this. “We’ve been getting uh… some… ‘interesting’ questions… lately.” If you look closely, you can see in the reflection on the lamp someone holding a gun to his head from behind the camera.

Also, Gerald? First of all, if President Ford is going to be contacting Lindsey Buckingham, I wish he’d do it the way other past presidents have: Presidential mandate for reunification with 4 people you loathe, for an inaugural celebration. I would imagine the only member of Fleetwood Mac who liked being there less was bassist John McVie who’s described publicly his meeting of Al Gore as “simply bizarre.” And why is he writing from the Netherlands? What, too good for the ol’ US of A?

Weirdest line in the whole question: “I think these guys could put you in a place where you would be happy.” What the [earmuffs] is that supposed to mean? The only thing that comes to my mind is Seabass pushing Lloyd Christmas to the ground in a bathroom stall while Lloyd whispers to himself, “Find a happy place.”

Lindsey later mentions putting out a second solo album. What he means is, a second one after his 2006 release “Under the Skin,” which will actually be his fifth solo release. Of course, judging by Lindsey’s gauge of time, this new album which is supposed to come out in 2008 will more than likely be released sometime around 2014. In 1997 for Fleetwood Mac’s reunion, he stated he had been working on a solo album for a few years (let’s say since 1994). Fast forward to 2006, and the disc is finally released. Sigh… to be a Fleetwood Mac fan is a test of patience.

Anyway, with the dead days before finals upon us, I might be posting with greater frequency, I’m not sure. You’ll just have to wait (on pins and needles, I’m sure) and see.

…And yes, I did have to look up how to write that.

It’s true friends–I’ve taken my last Latin class of my life. I know some people use words and phrases like “maybe” and “might have” and “possibly.” There’s really no need for such a charade this time. I’ve taken the last Latin class of my life.

And what a journey it’s been. It all started back on the first day of 8th grade. With my fellow, terrified classmates we ventured into the terrifying halls of the high school to make it on time to our 9th period Latin class–a rare journey for any of us, prior to this year.

Upon arrival, we were greeted with a hearty, albeit confusing “Salve, discipuli!” as we entered the 300s-hall room. Posters lined the walls, praising virtue, SPQR and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Mr. Signore, a true Roman if there ever was one in the 21st century, helped explain the finer points of Latin to a group of kids whose only language was some degree of Pittsburghese. Signore explained how one is able to “Fac a snowman;” he analogized learning Latin to being a wide receiver in football, and explained that students need to “bring their balls in” to retain the knowledge learned in class; and when speaking Latin, Signore explained the importance of “punching the penult.”

Some of the best memories from high school were in that room. Even though it happened literally every day of the school year, Signore used to become enraged by the daily announcements at the end of the day–”How am I supposed to teach?!” One of the most terrifying things about Latin was being called on to read in front of Signore and often the whole class. If Signore was having a bad day, and someone said they didn’t prepare the passage, he’d scream “Fifty-nine!!!” (their failing grade) before they had a chance to finish their sentence. Hilarious, if it’s not you.

I spent three years in that room, learning Latin and took the last two years of high school off. By my second semester at Texas, I was back in the thick of things. My instructor was, from all places, Thomas Jefferson High School in suburban Pittsburgh. The next Fall, I had one of the strangest/most awkward people I’ve ever met teaching my class. We also ventured into new material here–stuff Signore hadn’t covered in my 3 years in his class.

Last Spring, we read Cicero’s “Pro Archia,” which was pretty interesting. This year, we read Vergil’s “Aeneid,” which was a pretty serious departure from the prose writing I had encountered previously. And to be perfectly honest, this post is a little premature–I’m not technically done with the class until my final, a week from today.

Anyway, if anyone would like to join me in burning all my Latin books and notes sometime around Christmas, let me know. (Oh my gosh, I’m kidding Mr. Signore… I know if he read that, he’d literally have a heart attack. Not because of the Latin, but because “You don’t do that to a book!”) Of course, I would never burn “Harrius Potter,” the first Harry Potter book translated entirely into Latin. Because reading Harry Potter doesn’t make you enough of a dork.

Note: I love Harry Potter and have read every page. Feel free to judge me.

Even though I told one of my roommates I wouldn’t, I’m writing an entry about how Barack Obama is a child. I don’t expect this to be very hard.

Well, maybe that’s not exactly the focus. Instead, let’s talk about how Obama has set up a Web site specifically for people to report mean things Hillary says about him. That’s right folks: tattling.

I have half a mind to send Obama to his room for this one. I mean, honestly? Is this what it’s come to? I’m no Hillary fan by any stretch, but this kind of stuff is making her look so good, it’s sad. Recently she had to whisper to Obama that living in Indonesia when you’re ten doesn’t constitute a foreign policy background. That’s not a joke. Okay, the whispering part is.

Here’s an excerpt from Tattle.net (not the real name):

The poll also showed that — by a wide margin — Iowans have found that Senator Clinton is running the most negative campaign of any candidate.

Notice: A poll showed that this is what Iowans believe. Whether that is factually true is apparently not an issue for Mr. Positive Campaigner. Who’s running this campaign, Dennis the Menace? I don’t understand how you can write something like that and not expect people to call you on it. I’m sure no one in the mainstream media will, though.

Obama wants 10,000 people to respond within 48 hours to show Clinton and other opponents “that when they attack Barack Obama, it literally makes our campaign stronger.” My sources tell me Obama got the idea from a heated junior high student council race in a local Iowa school district. And Sally won by a landslide. Whether the victory resulted from her pointing out her opponent’s negativity or handing out Skittles in the hallway remains to be the subject of any polls.

Elsewhere on the campaign trail, former Massachusettes Gov., Mormon and potential racist Mitt Romney annonced that he plans to give a speech at Texas A & M in College Station, Texas this Thursday. Romney, in a move similar to John F. Kennedy’s appeal to Houston Baptists as the Democratic presidential nominee in 1960, plans to assuage conservative’s fears about his Mormon faith.

On the topic list: secret underwear (seen under his wifes wedding gown to the left), secret marriage names and how bad poor people suck, if there’s time. Essentially he’s hoping to bridge the gap between Mormonism and Christianity. Hopefully he’ll bring up how the resurrected Jesus came to America in 34 AD and hid golden plates for Joseph Smith to find nearly 1800 years later.

Romney’s already trying to distance himself from a major Mormon tenet–participating in the baptism for the dead. What’s that, you ask? I’d be happy to share. This is when a live person is baptized in the name of someone who is dead. And saves them. He said he’s done it, but not recently. I’m not really sure where he thinks the “but not recently” is getting him. I mean, I killed a man, but not recently. Does that soften my image?

So my friends, the moral of the story is: vigilance. Keep your eyes open for mean looks Hillary gives Obama and any zombies who need saved.

It’s Web site endorsement time. It’s always a big deal when I give my endorsement to anything, but when it’s something on the Internet (my expertise), it really creates some waves. This time, the beneficiaries are: Clark and Michael.

That is, Clark Duke and Michael Cera. Fans of “Arrested Development” will recognize the latter name: Michael Cera played “George Michael Bluth” on the FOX comedy until it was cancelled in 2006. You might recognize him from this past summer’s best movie: “Superbad.” Cera played one of the primary roles, but don’t overlook Duke–he can also be seen in a supporting role in “Superbad.”

The two combine forces in ten webisodes, cataloguing the lives of two young writers (Duke and Cera) trying to get their sitcom on the air. The opening credits, dripping with 80s television music, costumes and poses, begins with “The Internet presents:” and follows with “Mikey Cera as Michael Cera.”

In episode 8, Duke returns a bag of groceries in which a gallon of milk broke and spilled all over the bologna, Duke’s favorite meat. As you might imagine, hilarity ensues. In that same episode, you meet Jonah Hill, Cera’s co-star in “Superbad.”

In episode 5, Cera is taking driving lessons in a class taught by guest star David Cross (Tobias Funke from “Arrested Development”). “And guys, I cannot stress this enough,” Cross as NAME says, “Uh, and we’ll go over this in the next class, but steering… is so, so very important. You’re gunna want to steer. Alright?”

Other guest stars include Andy Richter and Tony Hale (Buster Bluth from “Arrested Developement”), among… other people whom I don’t know, I guess.

In episode 3, the two meet with their agent (seen left). A pearl of wisdom from him: Duke: “Is there a sizeable Chinese audience who would watch this?” Agent: “Well there’s a sizeable Chinese woman in my office, and she didn’t like it.” Later… “You’re trying to shock, then? Can I tell you something about shocking the Chinese? These are the people that invented fireworks. You’re not going to do it. Okay?”

So, I think that paints a clear enough picture for you. Your comedic diet is not complete without these ten webisodes. Do yourself a favor and, as I borrow a phrase from Mikey Cera, watch them “with the conviction of seven Arabian princesses.”

The Pittsburgh Pirates announced today that for the sixth consecutive year they will not raise ticket prices. Reaction? Befuddlement. But not so much at not raising prices. As a fan, I think that’s pretty cool. The Pirates and the Detroit Tigers are the two clubs who haven’t raised ticket prices since 2002–the longest streak in the majors. The Tigers announced that they will increase prices in 2008. That club made it to the World Series in 2006.

After the 2001 inaugural season of beautiful PNC Park, the Pirates’ front office, comprised mostly of ex-cons, tech savvy primates and Robert Morris grads, raised ticket prices. The public responded with “great derision” as Post-Gazette writer Dejan Kovacevic said. Or more accurately, in a rare expression of interest for baseball in Pittsburgh, fans nearly burned their new park to the ground.

Okay, so they didn’t increase prices across the board. But other clubs, like the Cleveland Indians, are implementing what they call “premium pricing.” This is when a club increases prices for games like Opening Day, “high profile rivalries,” every weekend game after mid-June, and every second Wednesday of months ending in “-uly.”

Kovacevic cited the Yankees returning to Pittsburgh for the first time next season since we beat their sorry [earmuffs] in the 1960 World Series as a possible “high profile” game. Who are we kidding? The only games that Pittsburgh fans get excited about are fireworks nights. And when SkyBlast comes to town, Pirates fans lose their minds in a euphoric daze of light and sound–anything to erase the memory of the game they just had to endure.

I’m not saying this is how I approach Pittsburgh baseball, nor am I saying I like this mindset. I’m just a lowly blogger reporting the facts as I sees’em. And I’m also not necessarily recommending raising prices. But as a fan, I’m left a little puzzled. We have new front office leadership, and I’m struggling to see what is being done to improve the team. Aren’t we poor? It feels like they’re avoiding price increases to delay our disgust with them until AFTER the first season. Admirable, I guess.

I don’t know what the answers are. I don’t know how we can start winning again. All I know is that I see small market teams succeeding, or at least making a run for the playoffs (or at least approaching a .500 record… for once… since I was six) and I wonder “why not us?” Maybe Mark Cuban will buy us.