Sigh… there’s always something.

For those of you who weren’t aware, when I returned to lovely Austin, Texas after Christmas break, I came back to a dead rat hiding somewhere in my bathroom’s walls. The odor adequately “funkified” everything it touched, including all my towels and clothes in the closet.

It was… utterly macabre.

Fast forward to the present. Yesterday I finally moved everything that normally would have gone in the closet back where it belongs. It was my belief that the great rat-edemic of 2008 was over and life could return to normal. I was only half right.

Indeed, to the best of our knowledge, the rat is still dead and has thus far not, in some zombie-like state, attempted to kill us in our sleep. Yet Rat-sputin wasn’t finished ruining our lives. Oh no, he had bigger plans.

Last night, while watching part of the Republican debate (Anyone starting to feel bad for Romney a little? Yeah, me neither.), I noticed this big, black fly on the wall. No big deal. We’ve had flies before. It’s size was a little unusual, but we had some bee/wasp hybrid thing in there in September, so not much surprises me.

Buddy told me when he left for class today, he noticed four flies on the wall. Creepy. When I got home from work and class today, I opened the door to my room to find twenty-some (20!) flies on the ceiling of my room. It is, to put it mildly, unlivable. Buddy thinks they’re horse-flies. I don’t know what they are. But I hate them.

We’ve also theorized (getting back to Rat-sputin) that somehow these things laid eggs in the dead rat and are now ruling our airspace. The citizens are in terror. The flies are restless. It’s Pandemonium in Austin, Texas (That’s the capitalized kind, i.e. the capital of Hell in “Paradise Lost.”).

Sorry about the late post today–I’ve been running around all day. I’ve been trying out for the Daily Texan and today was my last day. They told me upon turning in my 3rd story that I made the staff! So, woot woot!

Below you’ll be able to read the three stories I wrote for my tryouts. (I’m posting two tonight and when the third is posted tomorrow, I’ll add it to this post, so come back soon.)

The first is the story about Roe v. Wade that I mentioned in an earlier post. Here’s the headline and the lead for my portion of the story (excuse the misspelling of my first name on this one):

On 35th anniversary, Roe v. Wade still in the spotlight
Eileen Smith said she received a cryptic phone call in September 2007 from her daughter’s friend who said “Laura, not breathing, hospital, abortion.” Click here for the rest of the story.

This story (printed today) actually made it to the front page! Who knew? It’s about the state of Texas increasing their college-readiness standards for high school students entering college and the workforce.

Proposed high school standards aim to increase college readiness
The education bar in Texas high schools might be inching a little higher due to proposed standards that the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board released last week. Click here for the rest of the story.

EDIT:
Commission approves downtown art projects
Austin’s Arts Commission unanimously approved five different Art in Public Places projects at a meeting Monday night, including two streetscape improvement plans that could add a new look to the downtown area. Click here for the rest of the story.

Hope you enjoy the stories. They’re a little dry/boring, especially if you have no vested interest in any of these topics, but oh well. I start at the senator’s office tomorrow–wish me luck!

I’m not going to say syndicated conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh is an idiot. But I’m only abstaining because I think Al Franken is a complete moron (sorry Pops).

On January 15, the two-semester Southeast Missouri State NON-graduate (”He flunked everything” according to his mother and Wikipedia [God bless you], even a ballroom dancing class) had an exchange with a caller about McCain, Huckabee and the Republican party on his radio show.

Long story short, Limbaugh put his career and relevance on the line by stating that, if nominated, Mike Huckabee and John McCain would “destroy the Republican party.” (He also thinks McCain will raise your taxes, take away his pills and appoint witches to the Supreme Court… probably.)

Let’s analyze this. Limbaugh is saying that if either of these men are nominated (not even elected president!), that it is “going to change [the GOP] forever, be the end of it.”

I think what the pill-popper is trying to say is that it will be the end of HIS career. During Clinton’s administration, Limbaugh was the champion of the opposition. During Bush’s, he was able to champion the establishment. But with moderate-conservatives like McCain and (to an extent) Huckabee, poor Rush doesn’t know what to do.

What Limbaugh isn’t foresighted enough to see is that his time is on the verge of passing. Moderate political columnist David Brooks noted in his January 22 NYTimes op-ed piece that during this primary season “conservative voters have not followed their conservative leaders. Conservative voters are much more diverse than the image you’d get from conservative officialdom.”

Surprised? It’s probably because the only part of the Republican party that gets any press is the far right. Yet in very-conservative South Carolina, McCain won among weekly church goers. That’s nice and all, but what’s really revealing is this: McCain also won among those who strongly support the Bush administration as well as among those who are angry with it; he won among both those who support the war in Iraq and those who oppose it; and he won in every income group over $30,000.

You can’t buy that kind of broad appeal. And, big surprise, broad appeal is what gets you at ticket to the White House come November.

Limbaugh, in an effort to cling to the power he has over the far right-wing of the party, is not willing to concede this fact. It’s almost certain, based on the primaries so far, that if the GOP is not in the middle of a paradigm shift (which it more than likely is thanks to Bushy), then it’s at least, as Brooks says, much more diverse than the ditto-heads.

And as Brooks concludes, “McCain’s success has raised an astonishing specter: Republicans may actually have a shot at winning this year.”

Wouldn’t that be something?

Has anyone else noticed that David Letterman is the best journalist on television?

I’m not sure what this says about the profession, but I’m almost convinced it’s true. Last night, Dave invited former Senator John Edwards (D-NC) to be a guest on The Late Show. In a rare snapshot of human-like behavoir from a presidential candidate, Edwards seemed at ease and willing to answer Dave’s questions—from serious to silly. And Edwards took advantage:

Dave: What about that melee last night [in reference to the Democratic debate in South Carolina]? What was that like? You were right there.
Edwards: Yeah… it was easy being… Well, what I was trying to do was represent the grown-up wing of the Democratic party.

ZING!

Dave: How do the three of you get along?
Edwards: How do we get along? We can’t stand each other. (At that point everyone laughed… Edwards smiled and shrugged as if to say, “Well it’s true… what do you want me to say?”)

Dave went on to ask that if he snuck into Edwards’ house, woke him up in the middle of the night and asked him who his VP would be, what would he say. Edwards responded by saying, initially, how creepy that would be, and that if Dave actually did that, he would probably say “David Letterman” out of sheer fear. Good answer, I’d say.

Dave, although he has the general demeanor of someone you’d like to kick back and watch the game with, also has the knack of asking that “sticky question” to people who don’t always expect it. Last night, Dave brought up that John Kerry, who selected John Edwards as his VP in his 2004 bid for the White House, endorsed Barack Obama this election.

Edwards, of course, was gracious and said Kerry was a nice guy, blah blah blah.

Dave: Did you call him up and ask him, ‘John… what was that all about?’
Edwards: I’m not tellin’.

Finally, to the world’s delight, Dave asked to mess up Edwards’ hair. Thank goodness he stopped paying $400 per haircut… that could have been a costly gag.

You can watch that interview on YouTube here.

But this isn’t the only instance where Dave has displayed a knack for asking great questions and, more importantly, getting great answers. His most recent interview with Oprah revealed to her that he’s capable of thoughtfully discussing important world issues—a fact which seemed surprising to the O.

When Bill O’Reilly appeared on Letterman in 2006, Dave went with his instincts and called it like he saw it:

I’m not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling, I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. [audience laughter] But I don’t know that for a fact.

Read the rest of that O’Reilly interview here.

Finally, below is some of the best evidence of Letterman’s interviewing skills. On October 1, 2007, Paris Hilton, freshly out of jail, appeared on Letterman to push her new perfume and book (who knew?!). Needless to say, that’s not what the majority of the interview was about. At one point, Hilton says, “But I’ve moved on with my life, so I don’t really want to talk about [jail] anymore. Letterman responds, “I appreciate that. See now, this is where you and I are different… that’s ALL I want to talk about.”

She tries to evade his questions but with little success. By about 5:15 on the counter on the YouTube video, you can see she’s getting really frustrated. Someone in the audience shouts out, “I love you Paris,” and Dave asks “Someone you met in prison?”

In the words of James Lipton from “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” Letterman is a master’s course unto himself. Enjoy:

My meteoric rise to “Most Famous and Beloved American” is undeniable. It’s like death and taxes–it’s going to happen, and you might as well just learn to deal with it now.

On Tuesday, I took two steps forward in that effort. First and quite awesomely… I landed an internship working for the United States Senator from Texas, Kay Bailey Hutchison. She has a regional office in Austin where I’ll be working, along with 5 others in the state and her Washington D.C. office. Interviewed Tuesday morning with the Special Projects Director and found out later that evening that I got the job.

For a little more info about Sen. Hutchison you can go to her official Senate Web site or the Wikipedia page about her.

Needless to say, I’m pretty excited about this. It’s not every day you get the opportunity to work for a US Senator. I’m also tentative to “crack wise” about any of this for fear that the government is now monitoring me. By the way, the phrase “crack wise” is highly underused.

Also, I was published for the first time in the Daily Texan, our school newspaper. I was given an assignment Friday, which normally would have been due Sunday, but because of MLK day was due yesterday and ran today.

I wrote about 33 inches of copy, which they cut to about 8 and merged with another story… Not the ideal situation, as you might have guessed. Next time I’m hoping they have me write a dissertation and turn it into a photo caption.

I interviewed a woman whose daughter, Laura Hope Smith, 22, died from excessive anesthesia during an abortion procedure. Needless to say, it wasn’t the easiest story on the board that day. I thought about posting it here, but it’s just downright depressing. In the future though, I might post my Texan stories here… in their unedited form (stick it to the man!).

That’s it for now… sorry for the lack of humor. I’m tired.

Last November, I sent a letter to the faculty, staff and administration of the Hilton Head High School in South Carolina where Steve Witowich, my former chemistry teacher, taught for nine years. I informed them that in Beaver, we’re trying to raise money to honor Wito’s memory and asked that if they felt called to give, we would really appreciate their donations.

On Friday I received a call from a reporter at the Hilton Head Island Packet, the local newspaper, who got a copy of that letter. Today, the paper printed an edited version of my letter along with a picture of Wito from his time down there.

Please take a minute and read the Island Packet story here.

Also, just as a brief reminder, you can donate to the fund via PayPal by clicking on the “Stephen Witowich Memorial Scholarship” link at the top of the page. Thanks everyone for all your support in this effort.

Well, I don’t know what to believe anymore. Last week, author Andrew Morton announced the release of his unauthorized Tom Cruise biography, stating Cruise was No. 2 in command in the Church of Scientology. Then I heard Cruise was upset because he’s actually No. 1, the head honcho, Ruler of Earth Forces Galactica, etc.

According to an AP story, however, he’s just “a Scientology parishioner and holds no official or unofficial position in the Church hierarchy.” Sigh… These religious battles really get to me. I mean, these are the people from which I draw inspiration and muster the strength to live each day to its fullest. And if Cruise is just “some guy,” instead of Supreme Admiral of Western Forces in the Church of Scientology, then should I be adhering to his teachings? Something to ponder, for sure.

In case you want to see the incredibly disturbing video that Scientology uses to recruit men, women and oompa-loompas, you can find it here. No one under 21, please. Or those easily creeped out by psychopaths.

Allow me to share a few highlights with you:

“Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it’s not like anyone else; as you drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one that can really help.”

Ah yes! I remember that story from the Bible. The priest walks by the guy who was robbed, then the Levite, then the Samaritan. However, only a few translations have the part about when the Scientologist walks by and donates his life energy to the man’s aura. It’s really quite moving. Xenu, the alien ruler of the Galactic Confederacy, could be heard playing Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” from his spaceship above.

Also, I highly recommend reading the viewer’s responses below the video. Here are some highlights: “It sounds like he just ripped off the story arc of Spider-Man 2.” Or, “Wow, he really doesn’t do well without a script- all the nonsensical bursts of laughter, the knee-slapping, the hand motions? If there’s anything better than 9 straight minutes of hearing the Mission Impossible theme on loop, it’s hearing Tom say he wishes he could “romp and play”. When I heard that I had an image of him dressed as Little Lord Fauntleroy prancing around in a garden”

Back in 2005, Cruise made some astounding comments to Matt Lauer on the “Today Show.” Enjoy:

There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance….You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do….The thing that I’m saying about Brooke [Sheilds] is that there’s misinformation, okay. And she doesn’t understand the history of psychiatry. She– she doesn’t understand in the same way that you don’t understand it.

Ahhh, breathe it in! The arrogance is a little astounding to be honest. I mean, let’s get real. How many really good movies has this guy made? And we’re going to let these insane rants fly? Okay, well I guess he was pretty well criticized by anyone with a pulse in 2005, but still. I’m thinking a global, or at least national shunning is in order.

I’ll leave you with one last response to the Scientology video from Dave J. Enjoy:

“What’s the word for when a person is speaking and they pause for a really long time and you think they are going to say something utterly profound and then they just say some cliched bullshit or something completely inane? That’s what he does.
‘When I travel around the world and I meet the leaders that I’ve met…(long pause)…I want to help.’
Oh.”

Oh Michigan, you fools. The results are in, and Mitt Romney won the Republican primary in Michigan tonight. Nothing has made me want to run out and buy a Toyota more.

Apparently Michigan voters decided to buy into the “fairy tale” (to use a Clintonian term) that under Mitt Romney, the rest of the world would stop making cars, and Detroit would return to its throne as the Motor City. Or maybe it was the fact that good ol’ Mitt’s father (Skip?) was a well-liked governor of Michigan in the ’60s, and well, that’s close enough. Speaking of family, no, that’s not the broadway cast of “Cats,” that’s Mitt’s family photo. Eee gads. Roll call in the morning takes roughly 30 minutes. Either way, Michigan is presently in some bizarro, dreamlike state. Instead of developing ideas for new jobs, they want their old ones back. Parts specialist Ming Tae Pak has other plans, however.

My question is this: if they want “the good ol’ days” back so bad, why not get the music back? Motown? Are you kidding me? That’s the best thing that’s ever rolled out of Detroit, aside from the Steelers with the Lombardi Trophy a few years ago.

The Temptations, the Supremes, the Four Tops, Martha Reeves… Baby Michael?! Yes, please, to all of the above. And they’re all a helluva lot better than this “we’ll bring back the Model T and everything will be alright” theory they’re going on now.

And above all, they’re flag theives. I submit to you exhibit A as evidence (see left). No friend, put the Double Mint gum down. You’re not seeing twins… unless you want to call Michigan the evil twin, in which case that is permissable. No, that’s Michigan’s flag right above Pennsylvania’s. I mean, c’mon. What are those, caribou? You might as well jump ship and join Canada now. Lord knows everyone does for their prescription drugs anyway.

Alright, end of rant. Long story short, good one today, folks. I’m sure you’ll be enjoying your choice when Mitt Romney is guest starring on “Big Love” and nowhere near the oval office.

Shake off the dew and rise, my friends! Jeets is back for 2008. And please, please stop sending me your e-mails begging me to return. Patience, let us not forget, is vigorous. Or vital. One of those.

I’m going to take a few minutes and catch you up to speed on my life, world events, and if there’s enough time, a few quips from the comedic stylings of Carrot Top. So, in the words of T.O., “Get the popcorn ready.” (OOPS!!!!!)

I flew back to Western Pennsylvania on Dec. 15 with a 3-hour layover in Dallas. That schedule was shaken up a little bit due to “high winds in Dallas,” I was told by a mustached American Airlines worker. By the way, have you noticed that the airline industry is apparently the last bastion of the mustache? It’s been virtually wiped out of existence everywhere in society except for the creepy ticket-takers and male-flight attendants. That’s a research assignment screaming to be studied.

Anyway, I had a really nice Christmas. My cousin Jen and her husband Dave came to Beaver with their new little girl, Piper, and the whole family (that’s right, all 13 of us) got to spend a few days together. I got, among other various awesome things, a wide-angle lens for my camera, an Eli calendar and, of special interest to my readers, my blog in bound-book form! That’s right, 235 pages of hard-hitting Jeets action!

I spent New Year’s Eve at “Mystery Manor” (aka the Lloyd’s house) with all my friends for a murder mystery party. Say what you will, it was the best New Year’s I can remember (aside from hitting golf balls in the Ohio with my dad and Mr. Cottrill, of course). Don’t worry–I wasn’t the murderer. It was the chauffeur (you just can’t find good help these days). I, Michael Rochester, did however win “best dressed” with my mother, Faith Rochester (sister of the deceased–Cassie Rubino) and the murdering chauffeur (Ian Russian). My lush of a mother won “best acting.”

Other than that, it was mostly lounging around the Beave and Pittsburgh. I saw “Juno.” I played Wii. I watched season one of Arrested Development with Nato. Oh, and by the way, I won the New Hampshire primary on Jan. 8. Okay, well maybe not me personally, but my boy John McCain did. Tomorrow is the Michigan primary, which could end up meaning big things to the GOP race. On the Dem’s side, Obama is shaping up as a formiddable rival to Hillary. For them, battleground South Carolina is the next big contest.

Classes started up again today. I’m feeling good about this semester so far, but we’ll see. Give me enough time and I’m sure I’ll find something to complain about. You should know me well enough by now, if you’ve gotten this far.