Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Well, well, well… here we are. November 3rd. Election eve. The last “real” day of governing for the Bush administration. For those of you who hate politics and have stuck around this blog, tomorrow is a day of hope for you. Hope that I’ll finally stop writing about this crap. We’ll find out, won’t we?

Anyway, as promised I thought I’d illuminate your minds with my electoral college predictions for tomorrow’s presidential election. Will Ohio go to Obama? Will McCain steal Pennsylvania? Will anyone ever care what happens in Nevada? These questions and more will be answered! For your reference, I’ve included an electoral map from electoral-vote.com.

Unlike what many people in the media love talking about, those traditionally red states, those “sexy” picks to go blue, simply will not. If you want to put it in terms of this map, that means Arizona, Montana, North Dakota, Missouri, Indiana, Georgia and Arkansas (ARKANSAS? I know there’s Clinton, but really?). McCain is taking all of these. As much as the talking heads want you to believe they’re in play, they’re absolutely not. Boy I hope I’m right… I sure sound decisive right now.

Now, how bout those pesky light blue guys in the West? It seems like New Mexico and Colorado are locks for Obama. He also has a 6-point advantage in Nevada, which leads me to believe he’ll probably take it, too. He can have it, with those Vegas heathens.

Let’s move on to those other die-hard red states on the east coast: North Carolina and Virginia. Obama has Virginia by 5 points, but North Carolina by only 2. I’m predicting a McCain victory in the Tar Heel State. Virginia will be exceptionally close, but will likely go to the senator from Illinois.

That leaves America’s favorite drama queens: the battleground states. I’m talking about the big three of Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida. In 2000, Tim Russert was able to boil the entire election down to three words “Florida! Florida! Florida!” I’m not sure this year is quite so simple. In Florida, Obama is up 45-49. In Ohio, it’s 44-49. Pennsylvania leans a little more for Obama at 44-52. I’m fairly confident that those who haven’t hopped on the Obama bandwagon, won’t. I also believe that some people may not be answering polling questions honestly.

With all of these things being said, I’m picking Pennsylvania to go to Obama (47-49), Florida to McCain (49-48) and Ohio… hmm. Ohio. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I think it could break for the big O.

So what does all of this mean? I’m predicting a closer-than-expected… loss by McCain. He’s my homeboy. He has been for about 6-8 years. And in some ways, it’s almost a relief. They said on “Meet the Press” yesterday that whoever wins the election will probably be asking for a recount Wednesday morning. I wouldn’t give that guy’s troubles to a monkey on a rock.

All we can do now is make some popcorn, settle in and watch the great American drama unfold.

Dear Governor Palin,

So. This is how it’s going to be, huh? I fly down to Texas, McCain picks you to be his runningmate, I make myself adequately “energized” by this, and you can’t even bother to come visit me? And then, to top it all off, you decide to stop by my high school? The one… the only… Beaver Area High School? Too far, Ms. Barracuda. Too far.

I’ll have you know that in my day, I owned that building. President of student council. Editor-in-chief of the yearbook (our beloved “Shingas,” named after a barbarous Native American known to whites as “Shingas the Terrible” and no, now is not the time to make cute jokes about the yearbook itself being terrible. We did what we could!). Captain of the soccer team (in title only). Let me ask you, Gov. Palin… what have you done to make BHS great?

Oh sure, you’re likely going to bring 10,000 or so people to the hallowed grounds where I spent many-an-hour kicking the ball around and witnessing Western Pa.’s version of “Friday Night Lights” (with fewer dumb people). And sure, this is likely to be the biggest event held at my high school… ever. But did you ever get two people out in Mrs. Flynn’s gym class dodgeball games with a single ball? Did you ever organize the winter dance for the entire school in the cafeteria? I think not, Ma’am.

And you know what? I’m going to pretend like I didn’t buy moose meat and put it in my freezer “just in case.” In fact, I think I’m planning on using moose meat for a lovely dinner party in a few weeks, so look for your invitation in the mail (cough::fat chance!::cough).

And you know what else? I didn’t even go to LensCrafters last weekend to see how much rimless glasses cost, no matter how awesome certain public figures make them look. No, I’m my own man, with my own style and stuff going on. I don’t have time to worry about constantly looking awesome.

If it’s an apology you want, then fine: I’m sorry your husband’s name is Todd. But don’t blame me for that. That fault lies squarely on the shoulders of his parents, and perhaps any family history that may have influenced such a horrific decision. I refuse to sacrifice my beliefs (that being that Todd is the worst name invented by man) for the sake of your happiness. Call it selfish, but I stand by what I believe.

Tonight, when you’re being interviewed by Sean Hannity in the room where I took 11th grade English and learned about Poe and Melville and where a semi-colon goes, pay no heed to the “bite me” written under the 3rd desk in the front row. That was intended for someone in 5th period–not you (although it could have been!). And when you’re introduced tonight by Jeff Beltz, the Bobcat’s football coach and administrator extrordinaire (see here), don’t feel bad if he mispronounces your name. We just started letting him speak a few years ago.

And finally, when you’re taking in the beautiful sights of the hollow in which my school is nestled and the vibrant colors of the changing leaves, remember this: you bet’cha this visit would’a been better with Jeets as your guide.

With love,
The Jeety’s Joint Editorial Board

EDIT: More information, this time provided by The Beaver County Times, shows that Gov. Palin will speak at Gypsy Glen Stadium, and plans to take the stage between 7 and 8 p.m. (Bring a jacket.) Contradicting the Post-Gazette’s report, the Times says gates open at 5:30 p.m.

For tickets, contact the Beaver County Republican Committee at 682 Third Street, Beaver.
—————————————
News broke at a McCain rally at Robert Morris University in Moon Twp., Pa. that Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin will be appearing at Beaver Area High School Thursday evening. Doors for the event will open at 4:15 p.m.

This information was provided by The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

This semester I’ve been working on increasing my marketability to future employers. For instance, I’m taking an economics course to learn what bankruptcy in post-collegiate life is like. I’m taking a statistics course to learn how to “fudge the numbers.” And I’m also in a podcasting class, where we learn how to record, mix and produce audio news stories for the Web.

I’ve decided, in spite of a sheer hatred of my voice that I’m learning to overcome, to post my second podcast here on the Joint. Last Wednesday, shortly before the third and final presidential debate, I had the opportunity to meet with and interview members of “Students for McCain,” a student organization that enjoys all things McCain, knitting and shuffleboard. Below, you can find the podcast–just right click on the text and select “save target as”:

Phone Banking For McCain

In somewhat-related news, I want to make a recommendation for everyone. PBS does a special for their show “Frontline” every four years titled “The Choice.” It documents the lives and lessons learned by the two major party candidates running for president. I have not watched all of it, but intend to. The point is, what I’ve seen thus far is really quite amazing. For someone who has made up his mind for president (Nader, and don’t even try to talk me out of it), I was shocked at how much I learned about each of them, and even came to admire their very, very different paths to the same destination.

So, how do you watch this? It’s easy (because they’ve put it literally everywhere online). Your first choice is to go to their actual PBS Web site, and watch the program there. It’s split into easily-digestible 11-16 minute segments. I’ll be honest when I say I learned the most in segment #3 about Obama in Chicago, at Harvard and then finally in the Senate.

You can also watch the program in its full capacity at YouTube. I’ll be hoenst—I choked on my Wheat Thins when I saw that it’s an hour and 56 minutes long. But c’mon… Put it on as background noise while you’re making dinner, playing cards or experimenting with new technology that would make napkins obsolete. Actually, I won’t ask of you, my beloved readers, what I have yet to do myself. But when I do finally watch it all, I’m obviously going to hold it over you, so… this is your chance at a head start.

Finally, the program can be downloaded for free at iTunes, so you can watch it on the go on your iPod! If I were to recommend one way, I might say the PBS Web site’s quality seems to be the best, although I’ve not tried the iTunes version yet. Reviews for the program can be found here, and the reporter and producer of the piece, Jim Gilmore, responded to viewer questions here.

That’s Jeety’s Joint for you… offering you countless ways to stay informed about this year’s election. Forget Frontline, I should be getting awards.

Since Time Warner Cable is doing everything in its power to ruin my life, I feel compelled to share this video with you, my loyal readers, in case there’s an NBC affiliate/cable provider issue in your viewing area as well.

Below is the opening skit from last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live, with a special guest appearance by Sarah Palin:

The Congressional approval rating is 15 percent. That is, fifteen out of every 100 people asked, think Congress is doing a good job. That is the backdrop for this story.

John Murtha has represented the 12th district of Pennsylvania in the United States House of Representatives since 1974. This includes Johnstown and areas south and east of Pittsburgh. He is 76 years old. My messaage: let’s pull the plug.

Yesterday, Murtha told the editorial board at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

There’s no question Western Pennsylvania is a racist area. The older population is more hesitent.

Those of you following Pennsylvania politics (which I realize is likely no one) will remember Gov. Ed Rendell making a somewhat similar statement to the very same editorial board during the primary election.

You’ve got conservative whites here, and I think there are some whites who are probably not ready to vote for an African-American candidate.

Not surprisingly, Rendell’s comments were not well-received. PAWatercooler.com actually compiled the various reactions from Pennsylvania bloggers in their February 13, 2008 post. My favorite belongs to James Beale at CityPaper, who writes: “Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Rendell, an open Hillary backer, and one of the coveted superdelegates, just base an argument about his perferred candidate’s electability on the white supremacy of the state he’s supposed to represent?”

So, what’s the point of all of this? Is Western Pa. in fact “racist,” as Murtha believes? There’s a fairly lengthy discussion hosted by the Post-Gazette here, if you’re interested in reading local readers’ feedback.

In that discussion, the astute question was asked: what constitutes a racist area? Is it a population number? A percentage? If one rotten apple spoils the bunch, then isn’t nearly every zip code in America a racist area?

These questions are hard to answer, but they miss the larger point. What man in his right mind, who has served 17 consecutive terms as Representative of an area, believes in his heart that he represents a racist people… and can sleep at night? My question to Congressman Murtha is, if you truly believe you’re correct, what have you been doing for 34 years?

I’m not naive enough to think there isn’t racism in the area. But how irresponsible is it, after serving for 34 years and having done nothing (NOTHING) to counteract it, to paint an entire region with the broad brush of racism?

In retrospect, the Rendell comments were stupid. He quite obviously was trying to scare his fellow Democrats into thinking Obama couldn’t carry the state. (Hey Eddie, check the polls). Murtha’s comments, however, ring of irresponsibility and laissez-faire governance.

In politics, the story’s been the same for years. Only 15 percent of the population believe Congress is doing a good job representing them. But the guy who brings home the goodies, (i.e. MY congressman, MY senator… and goodies being pork) well, he’s okay. That’s how the bad ones stick around.

The second presidential [[[yawn]]] debate was last night, and wowee-zowee, was it a zinger. For those of you who missed it, basically it was the same as the last one, but this time, we get to see what the candidates look like from the waist down (…head out of the gutter). Also, there was walking, which was decidedly missing from the first debate.

Another cute feature of the townhall format is that “regular folks” like you (not me) get to speak. When they do, the candidates pretend like they care about this person for the 30 seconds it takes to ask the question, and the subsequent 2 minutes it takes to answer it. I’m apparently feeling unusually cynical tonight, but I’m not going to fight it. It’s my right as an American.

Anyway, at the end, George Snuffleupagus sat up tall on his stack of phonebooks and told America who “won” the debate, sooo… basically you don’t need to vote. We’re cool. The only reason I had to listen to that lollipop (have you seen how big his head is in proportion to the rest of his body??) was because Time Warner Cable, in their infinite wisdom, decided to yank our local NBC affiliate here in Austin. But take heed—they console you in commercials by telling viewers that they can watch “most” of their favorite shows on nbc.com. I’m thinking of making a little video of my own for Time Warner to watch… it involves me, a spicy Tex-Mex meal, and a Najeh Davenport-type prank.

I’m so off topic, it’s embarrassing. So, during the debate, McCain said something that’s been getting a lot of attention in the press. The question was about who knows what (probably ANYTHING but what the response was about… they’re both guilty of that), and this was McCain’s response, regarding Obama’s vote on an energy bill:

[it was] loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies and it was sponsored by Bush and Cheney. You know who voted for it? You might never know. That one.”

And suddenly we have a racist. Or, at least, that’s what some are trying to imply, usually without actually saying it. The whole thing is ridiculous. I had this discussion with two of my roommates (who shall remain nameless), and we eventually had to agree to disagree. Is McCain trying to brand Obama as someone who is inexperienced for the job? Yes. Is he trying to associate him with whackos from his past? Yes. Does calling him “that one” in a debate combine all of those messages with a sprinkle of cracker? Absolutely not.

The first and most obvious defense is that when you’re on the rotunda, wheelin’ and dealin’ with Brokaw and these slack-jawed yokels from Tennessee, you’re bound to get caught up in the moment and say something inarticulately (which McCain has made a campaign promise of, apparently). But that defense sucks, because it implies he could have meant something by it, which I think is false.

I’ve been informed it’s not the “that” that is offensive, as I originally thought. After all, there’s a separate, fully-declinable form of “that” in Latin that is meant as “that bastard,” as described by one of my professors. (It’s “iste” if you’re wondering.) It’s the “one” part that is getting people upset (and we’ll get to which people in a minute). Replace “one” with guy, person, fella, bloke (in Australian debates), etc. and you’re in the clear. But “one” means you’re a racist.

The argument is that “that one” paints Obama as “other worldly” or not like the rest of us. Yet, in his own words and as recently as August, Obama played up this fact himself. In a “pre-emptive strike” of sorts, Obama was predicting what McCain would say about him when he [Obama] told crowds:

‘You know, “he’s not patriotic enough, he’s got a funny name,” ‘he doesn’t look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills.”‘

And it’s interesting to note that the people who are getting upset by this “that one” comment are almost always trying to inject conflict, disagreement and, let’s be honest, hate, where there is none. Does McCain dislike Obama? I’d bet my house, if I had one. But is he a cranky old white man who spews racial epithets or at the least “let one slip” on Tuesday night? Come on.

For the good of the country, let’s move beyond this crap and get back to snoring through these debates like good Americans.

I’m trying my hand at my first “live blog.” For those of you unfamiliar, here’s how it works. I sit at my computer, watch the debate, think of witty comments and post them on my blog as I think of them. Your job in this whole arrangement is to sit at home, starved for my hilarity as I dole it out throughout the debate. Basically it’s a lot like our current relationship, except in a micro-format.

I’ve been watching CNN before the debate, and apparently they think we’re really interested in what people in Columbus, Ohio think about the debate. I have to watch their response bar graph at the bottom of my screen the whole time. I have a Magnavox TV and it’s good and everything, but I’m not sure it’s going to be able to handle the responses if the following terms are mentioned: Drew Carey, buckeye, corn hole.

I’m also considering turning this into a drinking game of sorts. Here’s how it works: take a shot every time you can hear Jeffrey Toobin breaking something on the CNN set as John McCain talks. We now wait for the debate!

8:00 Wolf Blitzer just clarified that the University of Mississippi is, in fact, in the state of Mississippi. If you were expecting to learn something tonight, begin a tally.

8:03 Someone forgot McCain’s stack of phonebooks for behind the podium. Let the gaffs begin.

8:04 Obama gets the first question.

8:06 Someone forgot to tell McCain that Kennedy is already back home.

8:08 Lehrer is showing why he’s hosted the most debates of any other journalist. After the two had an opportunity to answer his question (”Where do you stand on the $700 bailout?”), he asked them the question again. Perhaps they need the SAP button activated on their TVs.

8:12 AHHHHH! Lehrer told Obama to say what he just said directly to McCain… and he did! (Jump, how high, anyone?) McCain asked, “What, were you afraid I couldn’t hear him?” This thing is writing itself.

8:18 We’ve entered McCain’s wheelhouse: earmarks. In his defense, Obama tried to make $18 billion in earmarks sound like “not that much.”

8:20 First invocation of “the same as the last eight years.” Bottoms up!

8:25 The emergence of the creepy smile. McCain can’t help himself sometimes, it just emerges like the alien out of the guy’s stomach in “Alien” (or “Space Balls,” if you prefer, except that instead of a charming alien singing the “Michigan Rag” with top hat and cane, it’s the most horrifying face you’ve ever seen).

8:29 McCain just lost Iowa. “I would oppose ethanol subsidies.” Forget the cornhuskers, Iowa is the most corn-centered state in the union. Incidently, a recent poll has found that their passion for the vegetable is only second to Idaho’s love of the potato.

8:33 Is anyone considering voting for Lehrer instead of either of these goofs on the stage? We’re in the middle of the most major financial crisis of our time, and neither one of them are addressing the fact that it’s going to change the way they have to govern.

8:38 Obama just used the phrase “orgy of spending.” I feel dirty.

8:40 The first mention of what this debate was supposed to be about: foreign policy! Mention of Gen. David Patraeus got a huge spike in Republican and Independent bar graphs. Anyone think maybe he would have been a good runningmate?

8:50 A favorite phrase of Jack Bechdel is uttered by McCain: “Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.”

8:56 Sorry, I’ve been dozing off. I’m a political junkie, and I’m bored. How can this be?

9:00 We’ve descended into bracelet contests. Are you kidding me? “Well, I’ve got a bracelet, and mine means X, so… ya know… I guess I should be president.” Talk about exciting the voters–I wish I could vote now!

9:04 McCain brings up the idea of an international “League of Democracies,” something I’ve studied in government classes. Not a bad idea, seeing as how the U.N. is next to worthless. For those of you unfamiliar, it’s much like the meeting of the five famlies in “The Godfather,” but much, much lamer.

9:10 Obama will not, repeat will NOT, invite Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to the United States for tea. The Brits just took one collective gasp.

9:14 The learning just keeps coming. McCain: “The average South Korean is three inches taller than the average North Korean.” While that is remarkable, I can’t help but wonder if that survey wasn’t taken on April Fools or something of the like.

9:26 Last question, “What is the likelihood of another 9/11 attack?” McCain: much less than the day after 9/11. Obama: we’re safer in some ways, but we still have a long way to go.

Letterman devotees should recognize the title of this post as a classic line from the mid-late 90s, but here it has a little bit of a different meaning… not that it had any meaning at all back then, either.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it seems like the new buzz word (or phrase, I guess) this year for political pundits has been “red meat.” Fred Thompson had a lot of red meat in his speech. Rudy’s speech was 100% ground chuck, and we’re talking Fuddrucker’s size burgers, too. So I guess my question is as follows: What the hell?

Was I simply too young to remember these blatantly pro-poultry comments in the last election cycle, or is this something new? And if it’s new, why is there no formal introduction? I’m sitting there, watching Mitt Romney (who, while supporting John McCain, still has lingering questions about his origins, vis-a-vis the “actual spawn of Satan” rumors), and all of a sudden I’ve got the hankering for prime rib.

The poultristas (poultry + ista, the best suffix ever created) sure are having a good laugh about this one. The media, having long abandoned their role as unpartial mediators in meat- and food-related debate, have jumped on the poultry and “other white meat” agenda-setting bandwagon. As an American, I am outraged. Red meat makes red-blooded Americans. And without those, well, fuggetabou’it.

And while the pundits eat their tofu and Spam, they’ll undoubtedly be discussing the recently-concluded Republican National Convention. Last night, in front of millions, John McCain accepted his party’s nomination for the presidency. To be honest, it was a bit of a proud moment for me. Although my support for J. Mac long pre-dated it, I posted on November 28 last year my plan, titled “Jeets: To Save America.” Re-reading the post is good for a laugh—the nation was largely preparing for a “subway series” between fellow New Yorkers Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani. We should have been listening to Obama’s “The Times They Are a-Changin’” (…what do you mean he didn’t write that?). As a caveat to readers for future blog posts, I reminded them of my close connection to candidate McCain:

On top of that, we go on weekend hunting/fishing trips dressed in matching American flag pants. You know, right leg stars, left leg stripes.

With everything having been disclosed, I felt it safe to throw my full support behind the senator from Arizona. Aside from the outdated poll numbers in that post, nearly everything else came true. Republicans DID nominate someone who appeals more to the center, and while they’re still likely to lose seats in the House and Senate, the White House is still very much in contention. And speaking of polls, I would imagine there will be a new one early next week that should see a slight (and likely temporary) bump in McCain’s numbers thanks to the convention and well-delivered speech by his runningmate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

And as a random afterthought, I heard the following quote on CNN last night after the convention. It was so hilarious/ridiculous that I had to write it down, just to share it with you. Consider yourself… blessed.

John McCain makes me want to be a better woman.” –some crazy woman in Times Square.